So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
