will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
