So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
