I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so that wasnt chicken after all
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
