My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
