Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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