i think my mom watched the whole time
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
