He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
