Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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