are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
