I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
