I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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