Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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