Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
