That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
