this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
