I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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