"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
