It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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