SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
