Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
