Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You ate ashes out of my bong
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
