I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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