He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
