yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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