i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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