Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
