I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
