I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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