I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I touched a dick in church today
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
