she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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