You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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