Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
