It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
