I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
