no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
