so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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