the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
