I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
