On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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