Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
