we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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