You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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