There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
