I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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