he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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