Banned from zoo.
Again?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
