Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
