Christians are straight up FREAKS
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
