how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
