worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
