the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
