I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I want her autograph on my taint
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
