i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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