I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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