I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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